Rejection

Rejection is something I'm pretty skilled at doing. It might have to do with the fact that my favorite word is "No", not for the reasons you might think either. I love the word "No" because it has so much power, to me it's not an ending to anything but an opportunity to try new tactics. When someone says "Yes", it's like giving in, an acceptance and there is no where else to go, sure it feels good if a guy says "yes, I like you" or "yes, you can have a million dollars" but where is the excitement of trial and error? I like that when someone says "No" or "Not interested", it forces me to rethink my approach, to rethink my motives and find another way to succeed because I'm not a giver-upper.

However, in the world of online dating, rejection goes far beyond the word "No" or "I'm not interested". When I'm faced with a match that I feel isn't a match I of course have the option to reject him - it's actually my first instinct simply because I reject the idea of meeting people online in the first place...

But when faced with rejecting a perspective match, I go through a whole array of emotions about turning away this poor guy I've never met. I think about my reasons for instinctively deciding "this guy isn't right for me" - am I rejecting him because his photos make him look fat? Maybe. Am I rejecting him because he likes sports? Probably. Is he a bad match because he can't live without his dog? These aren't really things you reject people for, are they? I actually feel bad that this guy doesn't know what's hit him.

I'm not sure if I feel guilty because I'm judgmental or if I pity the guys for putting themselves out there when there is no way (in my mind) we could possibly be a good match. On average it's taking me 3 days to get the courage to actually delete the guys I know I don't want.

The entire process of rejecting them entails sending a message and selecting my reasons from a huge list - "I think the distance between us is too great", "I do not find this match attractive", "Something this match said in their profile is a turn off" or "Other". These responses actually get sent to the guy and he's left to wonder "What was in my profile that she didn't like?" or "why didn't she even give me a chance?" It's stressful enough for me to select an appropriate response that I can't imagine what it's like to receive a rejection from a person you don't even know.

Oh, wait, yes I can!

Believe it or not, I've been rejected. Most of the guys I probably would have rejected myself but just seeing that message: "So and So has declined your match siting the reason as: OTHER". What the F does that mean!? Was it something I said??

It's so much easier to reject people face to face, you just say "take a hike" or "get out of my face" or "I'm married with 3 kids - go away". But rejecting people and being rejected by persons unknown - a whole different ball game.

Good thing I take rejection so well... otherwise I might become a nutcase just sitting around wondering what it is about my picture, my profile, my likes and dislikes, my online personality, my whatever that made this other online phony profile reject me... I mean, don't they know how AMAZING I am??

And in this instance, a rejection is a "No" I can't challenge, I can't see the possibilities to change because, well, there are none.

However, there are still 70 more matches to go through....