Sunday, August 4, 2013

30 is the same me, only better.

I'm back! Never say never because sometimes a new beginning is all we need. 

A year ago, that awesome hip accountant guy I mentioned last time I wrote in this blog (in January of 2012), and I, broke up. He turned out to be everything I thought a grown up relationship should be and more, except he wasn't ready for what it could be, wasn't sure what he wanted, and I - in typical me mode - said it was OK.  

Looking back, personally and professionally, I make that mistake a lot. I want so badly for everyone to be happy, I want to make them happy and often bank my happiness on caring for others happiness. So when he told me he cared for me but wasn't sure what the future would hold, I held and consoled him and I lied to him for the first time when I said it was OK that he was breaking my heart.

Ironically, three weeks before this happened, I had been in Paris, at my favorite cafe that has now since closed, day dreaming about spending Sunday mornings with him and our future hypothetical son, listening to records, eating pancakes and watching them play basketball in the park in the afternoon... For much of this past year I have wondered how I could have been so wrong? 

The truth is, I wasn't entirely wrong, or even wrong at all. That could have been an alternate life we could have had and so much about being with this person was remarkably wonderful, exciting and empowering. But it wasn't necessarily the life I/ we were meant to lead. 


And although it wasn't OK at the time, or pretty much any time during this past year when I longed for him and he would come into my life just to leave again... Although none of that is OK. It will be, I will be, I am.

Which brings me to today, as ready as I'm ever going to be, to meet someone new. Someone who will love me for all the reasons I loved him and more, someone who will want to spend every Sunday with me and our hypothetical future selves... 

Oh, and did I mention I'm 30 now? And awesomer than I was at 27? And single again.... so.... dating world beware! I'm back! 

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