Thursday, November 17, 2011

DATE# 24: And then again.. if not now, when?

Our first date was just drinks so there was no way to know what our second date would be. I didn't even expect to go out again for a month but he had texted me

I was having one of those weekends (like every weekend) where I tried to cram too much in too short a time. We tried to schedule some time to meet up but I had to keep pushing it back and I figured we'd just cancel and reschedule. But he said he'd meet me anywhere and have a lousy Sunday I looked forward to a late afternoon drink.

We met up at Grey Dogs in Union Square, he was late because he decided to stop at a nearby store and by some ski caps. He made a point right off the bat to ask my opinion and I scoffed that dont wear clothes with brand names tattooed across them. This started a grand debate about brand names in society, merchandizing and why people buy into commercialism... why I will never own a Louie and why he isn't afraid to shell out for a Gucci belt if he really wants one. After over an hour of friendly debating we waltzed over to Best Buy to look at TVs, I need one, he needs one and what better second date activity than discussing personal expenditures...

Of course we couldn't get a damn sales rep to answer any of our questions so after wandering around trying to compare TVs ourselves and discovering an alarmingly similar taste in movies while visiting the DVD/Blu-ray aisles, we decided to head back to Brooklyn.

He'd actually drove in Manhattan, he's one of the few that owns a car in the city, and so we spent another 45 minutes stuck in NYC traffic trying to drive the 2 miles to my neighborhood. He was supposed to meet some friends at 8 but he parked near me at a quarter to and decided we should do dinner instead. He's a vegetarian and you'd think that would be easy to find in Williamsburg but apparently the Roebling Tea Room doesn't feel they need to cater to the hoods' veggies. We'd already sat down when we discovered the menu had limited/no options but he refused to leave. We did have a great table.

We ordered salad and mac' and cheese. Halfway through dinner I had to step out and receive some packages for work (even on a Sunday I rarely seem to have time off to date). The mac'and cheese was mediocre but we shared some good work horror stories, some personal revelations and the meal took a dark turn when he said he wasn't a traveler. I thought about getting up and leaving right then - how could I date someone who wasn't dying to run away to some exotic locale with me at a moment's notice!? Just kidding - well not about the him not loving travel part - but I think that's a trait to be worked on...

It was almost 11 on a school night when we left the restaurant and he walked me home around the block. I actually really enjoyed myself and kind of didn't want the date to end, so, we walked slow. When he dropped my at my door, we kind of stood there a moment. He mentioned something about seeing a the new Cronenberg next week and I said I couldn't wait! But he didn't start to leave...I thought for sure, before I put my keys in the door, he would lean in and kiss me. He didn't. Instead, with my arms full of office paperwork, I stepped towards him and gave him an awkward hug.

He started to walk away and I hung by my front door which is situated in such a way that I couldn't watch him walk down the street. I suddenly didn't want to end our night this way.
"Wait a second!" I shouted out and turned out my door and headed towards him down the street - he'd just about reached the cross walk when he turned back to me.
"Wha-?" he started to ask. I walked right up to him and grabbed him by the shirt, stood up on my tip-toes, and well, planted one right on his lips. Dammit, I wanted a good night kiss and I just stole one right there out in the wide open streets of Williamsburg.

And then I turned around, without looking up at him or back at him, and I walked to my apartment. I heard him say, "Ok. Goodnight!" just as I was putting the key in my door. I opened it, walked into the hall, and sighed a sigh of relief.

I think I like this boy.

Friday, November 11, 2011

"Nevermind, I'll Find Someone Like You", Or Hopefully I Won't....

Adele is the master of emotive singing, she's got the most perfect voice to listen to when you want to bring yourself down or lift yourself up... but, she's so damn indecisive. She doesn't know if she wants to be loved, be just a lover, quit her man or take him back. She can't walk away, but she can't stay and she doesn't even know if she's happy or sad. As much as I'm obsessed with her music and it's graceful ability to make me feel things... I'm so thankful I don't have her love life!

I've recently had a lot of time to listen to her song "Someone Like You" on repeat in my pimpin' minivan while commuting back and forth to work upstate. And the more I listen to it, the more I love it and yet the more I think I actually DON'T want "Someone Like You", obviously referring to any and all of my exes.

As she mentions in the song, I too have heard that my exes have settled down, that they're happy now, married, all their dreams come true... Sure, I wondered once upon a time what it would be like to run into them again years later - would I really be happy for them? Would I wonder if they ever regretted things didn't work out between us - would they still think of me? Would they wonder if I was happy now? Do I even really care if they are happy now? Am I still bitter it didn't work out... was I ever? Nowadays, I can't remember.

All I can think is how THANKFUL I am it didn't work out between us and then I add to that... "I hope I NEVER find someone like you", what would be the point? Obviously if it didn't work out then I need someone who is NOT like you (him). I need someone who is different. I need someone who doesn't remind me of how an Ex ran his hand through his/my hair, or how he cut a steak or laughed at my bad jokes. I need someone with whom I can write new stories and not be reminded of old ones. Sure, Adele is right that it's 'bittersweet' to say goodbye to the past but it is so necessary, so freeing. What I need is to stop comparing every new guy I meet to one of the skeletons still strung up in my closet.

This should not be a new revelation. It's not really. But it feels good to say it out loud. "Nevermind. I won't find someone like you. I won't waste time wishing you the best. Please forget me I wish I'd said, but I hope you still think of me when my memory of you is dead."

DATE #23: Hipster Accountant

After a quiet summer, well one full of work and no dating, I sort of forgot about my mission. I forgot about forcing myself to date and I've just been enjoying being 28 with no strings attached. And during this time, I barely noticed that someone had taken an interest in me and on the last day of work asked me for my number. Which was kind of stupid because my number was listed on the crew list all summer but he wanted it straight from me, and although that seems stupid, it was totally the right thing to say.

That was back in August and I didn't hear from him for a month which is more than enough time to forget someone or just vaguely remember them so their eventual phone call is a surprise. Then there was almost two months of trying to get together but my priorities changed, well, they didn't actually change - the dating thing was never a priority as we previously established - but other elements of my life were taking precedence so how could I possibly make time for this guy?

And what guy keeps trying to court a girl for two months who says she's interested yet can't make time for a coffee on a Sunday afternoon? I think we scheduled outings and canceled 5 times before Halloween and I suddenly wondered where the summer went? How was it Halloween? Why the heck was this guy still trying to see me? I could hardly remember his face.

We finally did go out, that Halloween night, after along day of work I trekked to a far part of Brooklyn and we met for drinks. He picked it, it was a great choice - quiet but not empty, good wine list and NO costumed ghouls. We sat at the bar and I looked at him thinking, really?

He's kind of a "Yo" boy, in stereotype. He wears his pants Justin Beiber low, his shirts are all striped and slightly too big, his hat is slightly to the side. Well, maybe he wasn't wearing a hat this night but if he had been... He says "Yo" alot, and "boy" and "you know" and ends his -ing's with -in'. But he's smart in an unexpected way. He runs his own business on the side of our business and, well, so do I - yet another thing in common that doesn't seem right. He thinks I'm funny, and charming and after two+ hours of talking on a school night, he walked me to the train and immediately asked when he could see me again.

The weirdest thing about this night was how normal it was, I guess it helped we already knew each other a little bit so there was no need for the "so, what do you do?" "where are you from?" questions. There was no pressure, no expectations, just good clean conversation and lots of laughs. Why wouldn't I see this guy again?